These Phrases shared by A Parent That Rescued Us as a New Dad

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You require assistance. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to addressing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to open up between men, who continue to hold onto damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a sign of weakness to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to take a break - taking a couple of days away, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "bad decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I think my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."